Missed posting last night, and frankly, I’m feeling pretty guilty about that. I maintain I missed writing for a valid reason, but it’s still an excuse and I need to stop with the excuses all the time. Boyfriend came home from a short trip last night, and me being the jerk that I am, I managed to turn his first half hour or so of being home into a fight over missed planes and spent money. Which then turned into me apologizing all night, not sleeping, and then apologizing more this morning. I’m not good at this whole girlfriend thing. I’m trying but I’m just not good at this. Thankfully, Boyfriend is exceptionally understanding and forgiving. Otherwise, he would have left a long time ago, I think.
I take my bad moods out on him all the time. I have a crap day at work and he has to deal with it. My frequently crappy friends do something crappy and he has to deal with it. My mom irritates me and he has to deal with it. I don’t know how he does it, honestly. I really am a terrible person. I’m aware of it, but I don’t seem capable of changing it. It just somehow seems like too much work, and frankly, I’m too tired to do it. There are so many things about myself that I recognize needing to change, but I never bother to do it. It’s a character flaw that I think I’ve always had. Somehow I’ve made it this far without making any drastic changes, but I’m sure it will eventually come back to bite me.
I’m writing this at work, so I should probably stop and you know, pay attention to what is going on around me. Perhaps I’ll write more later when I get home. Almost 4 hours left to go in my shift. Ugh.
kaleidoscopeeyedgirl 